For the approximate 2 of you who actually read this blog (thanks Mom and Dad), you probably know that I'm training for a marathon in August. Now that I'm getting settled in I finally committed to a training schedule that required me to run 14 miles today. I found my missing $100 gift card to REI (thank you Chappy) yesterday and bought all sorts of shiny new running gear; bright red running shirt, snazzy moisture wicking hat, Camelbak fanny pack, and yummy sport beans. I also decided to try some raspberry flavored energy gels.
So today I took off and headed for some trails a couple miles from my house. I reached the trail head only to find bright neon colored signs everywhere with yesterday's date warning of a grizzly bear that was prone to approaching people! I know, a normal person would have turned around and just ran somewhere else. (There was also a smaller sign that said something about an aggressive female moose with 2 babies wandering near the trail.) But I of course decided that the best course of action would be to: A) turn off my iPod so that Gwen Stephani would't drown out any telltale signs of a grizzly or moose creeping up on me and B) stick to wide open multi-use trails. Of course I meant to buy a couple bear bells yesterday at REI but forgot. Of the research I've done on hiking/running/camping in bear country, every source said that creating noise is the best way to prevent a bear attack. Simply talking to your hiking buddies alerts the bear to your presence. 9 times out of 10 the bear will move away before you even know its there. Even when you're in the woods by yourself experts recommend talking, singing, whistling, etc.
Well, I'm already running 14 miles and sucking wind hard, so I'm not exactly in the best condition to belt out my favorite show tunes. And while I do fully intend on buying a bear bell, I inwardly chuckle and think a bear in the woods hearing the merry tinkle of a distant bell would have much the same reaction as young kids playing in the front yard on a beautiful summer's eve hearing the distant tinkle of an ice cream truck; ears perk up, eyes widen, and an evil, skull crushing smile begins to form on their face. (Well, maybe more so the bears than the kids)...
Anyway, back to me in the woods. I decided that clapping would be my best course of action. Yes, I decided that slapping my hands together would be my best (and only) protection against an aggressive and potentially deadly animal many times faster, meaner, and bigger than myself. Besides, it was like having someone cheer for me. Every hundred feet or so I'd clap four times rapidly. I realize this might seem like folly to any other outdoor enthusiasts I may come across. But I'd rather their first impression of me be some wacko clapping and running in the woods than some mangled carcass being munched on by a grizz or trampled by a moose.
And so I ran. And clapped. Every couple of miles I drank some water and ate some sport beans or raspberry energy gel. The gel was kinda gross. And syrupy and sticky. Enough so that I soon had it all over my fingers. Which was ju-u-ust great. Now I looked AND smelled like a giant raspberry bouncing down the trail.
Earlier, when I'd reached the trailhead, I had looked at a map and noted a military base of some sort adjacent to the trails. So when I saw a sign notifying me I'd cross onto the base, I wasn't concerned. However, several miles later I was concerned when I saw a giant sign that announced, "UNEXPLODED AMMUNICATION!! PROCEED WITH CAUTION!!" Coincidentally, the sign also marked my 1/2 way point. So I readily turned around and began running home. I mean seriously folks, grizzlies and momma mooses are one thing, but landmines?!
My return trip through the woods went rather smoothly. Only one wrong turn. And I did see the mother moose and calves as well as a bull moose. Not as dramatic as you'd think. Soon enough I was back on the road and back to relative safety. And amazingly enough 14 miles passed by quicker and easier than I'd anticipated. Apparently the miles just roll by when you're more concerned with being torn limb from limb than you are about your running pace. Who knew?
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13 comments:
Excuse me... 3 people read your blog.
So you said moisture, wicking, camel, fanny and yummy all in the same sentance.
tee hee hee...
ha ha. thanks for pointing that out my highbridge buddy.
"do you boys ever listen to pat robertson?"
Excuse me...far more than three people read your fantastic blog. I live for new posts as I will never do anything as adventurous as you will do. The sad thing is...you'll likely do something even more adventurous later. The most daring thing I do each day is walk. More daring than you think, given my propensity to fall down at random.
Anyhow, loved the post!
you are right julie. i've seen your legs after you fell down your apartment stairs. and after you tripped on the sidewalk at school. walking is a VERY adventurous thing for you. keep living on the edge!!
Um, I read your blog, and my name is not Mom or Dad.
Keep up the good work! If you can run a half marathon now, I think you'll be in great shape to run the full in August (disclaimer: this statement has not been evaluated by the FDA, the American Marathon Association, or anyone else who knows what they are talking about).
Best of luck to you! And keep up the clapping. The mental image makes me laugh.
Oh my gosh! I seriously just finished reading a book about grizzly attacks in Alaska/Montana/Canada region. I better not read about your story in the second edition of that book!
Moose are mean. Bears scare easily with strange sounds, but Moose just keep charging.
Who has random landmines in Alaska? Oh, wait, we do apparently...
Perhaps if you keep up the clapping gig, you could join the special olympics and blow everybody out of the water....especially if you step on a landmine. hahahahahhaha
sister becky
I am calling you out publically (what's new?). Obviously more than your sweet mom and dad read this blog and I think you know that and were playing the whole 7th grade girl saying she's fat (when she's as skinny as a rail). and by now don't you know you're like the prom king of our generation?? everyone (including me) loves you dearly. Glad you didn't turn out like Grizzly Man. that was not good.
brianne, why all the hate from you? this is the 4th time you've called me out. quit projecting onto me your issues of being unemployed. it just doesn't resonate with me.
Rob~ I don't read your blog and never will.
p.s. Cool story about the Raspberry Gel. That's gold!
Mark B.
I also beg to differ about your recent question regarding lack of readership. Your blog rocks. And your stories make me laugh out loud. (The library lady doesn't seem to like that). And I want to totally come to Alaska. It sounds like a great adventure...Wait a minute. I know there's a song there somewhere..."Started out this mornin, in the usual way..." Yikes. Okay, that was your daily cheese ration. Have fun, and make good choices (not). Miss you!
holy moly. you've had more adventures in this one day-- excuse me, one 14-mile run, than I'll probably have in a lifetime.
i still can't believe these are all real-life stories. it's exciting. keep doing crazy things so the rest of us can continue to be entertained. :)
KL
You write very well.
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