The "Rob, Vikki, and Joe" Tour?

Hello from Denali National Park and Preserve!

Well, well, well, where to begin...I reported to work in Anchorage yesterday at 6:30 AM along with my fellow TSRs (Train Sales Reps), a 60 year old Texan named Vikki and a 20 year old Connecticut guy named Joe. No one really knew what to do with us. So they stuck us on a train and said, "Someone will meet you in Denali." So we spent 8 hours riding on the train, soaking in the scenery, and basically doing nothing while our fellow employees busted their tails working and giving us the evil eye. And unbeknownst to us, we began what we have now dubbed the "Robert, Vikki, and Joe" tour. Because when we finally figure out where we're supposed to be we get there late, and someone in charge will say, "Are you Robert, Vikki, and Joe?"

Anyway, we arrive in Denali and surprise, no one is there to greet us. Luckily one of the tour guides lumped us in with his group and took us to the Chalet. There I managed to find a manager who seemed surprised by our arrival but quickly found us housing and whipped up an intinery for our stay in Denali. See, the whole point of our "training" is to experience the extra tour options so we can better sell them to the customers on the train.

So last night we rode ATVs with 3 Bulgarian guides who would say things like, "We are now at ree-ver. You stop and take peek-chores." The highlight was when my fellow TSR Joe, who had been talking about what an expert ATV driver he was and then proceeded to fishtail constantly kicking up clouds of dust through which the rest of us had to drive, tried to do a donut and lost control of his ATV. He was thrown off but jumped up and pretended to walk it off. It gets better. Joe's ATV kept moving and was about to go off a cliff. Until our Bulgarian guides, in an attempt to save the ATV, t-boned it at about 20 mph with their giant 6-wheeled ATV. They did manage to save the ATV from hurtling off a cliff. But they also smashed the hell out of it. I had to pretend to go take pictures of the view somewhere else because I was laughing so hard. After that we went on a horse drawn covered wagon tour into the woods and had a dinner of ribs, salmon, and steak.

Today we took a plane ride around Denali (a.k.a. Mount McKinley) which is the tallest mountain in North America at 20,230 feet-ish. We also got a tour of the Husky Homestead where they train dogs for the Iditarod. We then went on a jet boat tour up the Nenana River to an old gold panning camp and heard a lecture on trapping and then got to do some panning. I even got some gold. About four cents worth.

Man, I am so tired. But tomorrow we are going horse back riding before heading to Fairbanks to do a buttload of more tour stuff. And through all of this I've learned many things, but 2 that I'll share here:

1. Let's do some quick math. Rob + train + food = Rob + motion sickness - food. 'Nuf said.

2. I don't think I'm going to keep this job. I know, you're probably thinking I'm an idiot. But see, I drove up here without much communication about what my job would be like. And after being with people for 48 hours straingt and now I've seen that my job will be to ride a train for 14 hours a day selling tour packages, that is already driving me batty. And I'll do that six days a week. Again, with people for 14 hours a day for six days a week. Is there a job out there that sounds any LESS like me?

But I'm stuck on this "Robert, Vikki, and Joe" tour until Sunday. So I'm not going to quit until I get back to Anchorage. Otherwise they'll probably kick me off the train somewhere in the literal middle of nowhere!!